so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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