we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
