She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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