Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
