She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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