What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
