my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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