I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
