your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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