Three words: puerto rican gang bang
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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