I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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