it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
