the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
