im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
