When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
