how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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