oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
