I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
