clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
