so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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