My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
