Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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