I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
