trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
