Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
