508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
