I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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