Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
