non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
