Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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