I just pynch a tree in the face
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
