I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
