so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
