is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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