got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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