so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
