We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last night I used snow as a chaser
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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