Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
