I hate all girls vehemently.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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