Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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