She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
