i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
