Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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