The maid of honor just puked.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
