Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
