we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
