she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
