Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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