So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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