my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
