Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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