dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we're so committed to being not committed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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