I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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