Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
